I Blew My Quit

My quit date was January 2, 2008.

Last week on Friday the 13th, I was at a dinner with the Advisory Board where I work. There was Alcohol, lots of good food and friends. I was stressed, you know how it is, what do I wear, do I look okay, don’t say anything stupid, (I was with a bunch of PHD’s, etc.). You get the idea. Anyway, after we ate I was feeling restless so I asked a guy I work with for a cigarette. I went outside and smoked it. Oh yes, it was a little slice of heaven. I got the buzz I was looking for and I was feeling “normal” for the first time in a long time. No big deal, I wasn’t going to smoke full time again. I’ll just have one every now then when I need to feel like my old self. Confident, happy, can hold a thought for longer than a few seconds. I did not have any regrets. It was so good and I “needed” it at the time. I could do that when I needed to.

This wasn’t the first time I had smoked. Way back in August I was extremely stressed and smoked a half of one and it made me sick! Yay! No worries, I wasn’t going to smoke again. Then in October, I was extremely stressed again, I smoked and then I was okay. It made me sick too. Then, last week, I wasn’t “extremely” stressed, I just wanted a cigarette.

Then Saturday night, I was doing my grocery’s and when I was checking out, I bought a pack. I lied to myself saying, “I’ll just have one or two a day.” No big deal. Then I smoked a half a pack a day for awhile. By Wednesday, I was up to a whole pack. I still justified this in my mind because I was a two pack a day smoker before I quit so this isn’t so bad. I was thinking that I need to decide if I want to quit again, or just go back to smoking full time. I was really lying to myself. By this time is was too late. The freedom of choice had been taken away from me by then. I had to smoke. How did this happen to me?

I almost made it two years without a cigarette! Uggghhhh! What have I done. I am doing what comes natural to me after all these years. I am playing with fire. I had to tell my children I was smoking again. It’s been a week now and I have no desire to quit. Isn’t that insane?? The rattle in my chest is back, my clothes stink, etc.

I found this article I had stored on my hard drive from one of the many other “Quits” that I had blown in the past. I wish I would have found it sooner, like last Thursday.

What I have learned from this experience is keep the Quit in front of you. Keep the reasons you wanted to quit someplace you can see every day, if you don’t you will forget as time goes by. Don’t get complacent and think you got this sucker licked. It’s a lie, it’s all a big lie. The Nicodemon is right there waiting for the right moment to strike. It never goes away.

Posted by: joe4320 Jun 27 2005, 03:54 AM
A reprint from another site…

I have been quit for 5 Months, 4 Days, 1 hour, 20 minutes and 8 seconds (155 days). I have saved $697.75 by not smoking 4,651 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 3 hours and 35 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 1/17/2005

Those were my wife’s stats had she not fallen. Why did she lose her quit…..it really doesn’t matter. Could it have been avoided? Who knows. I posted the following for a good friend of mine earlier today and felt that everyone should read it. Here goes:

Picture yourself a second or two after you stub out that quit-breaking cigarette. The one that you just had to have because the craving was so strong you couldn’t hold out any longer, when that voice inside you was saying.. “Go on, life sucks, you may as well smoke a cig.. y’know for your nerves..” or the other one.. “you’ve got this beat now.. you are in control.. you can have one just now and again.. go on have one for old time’s sake..” So you bum a cigarette, and smoke it and in 2 and 1/2 minutes, you stub it out.

Now what. Your mouth feels like crap. Your lungs are tightening up. You managed to stifle the coughs .. but barely. You began to squint again because the smoke hurt your eyes. and your fingers and clothes smell again. You either want to throw up, grab some mouthwash, take a shower, or have another.. maybe buy a pack.

But then you realize what you’ve just done. After all those times when you said you were going to quit, and then when you finally did, and your family and friends were so happy for you – but not exactly over the moon, because after all they’ve been hopeful before only to see you relapse – all that enthusiasm is now smashed to pieces on the floor. And all the pressure that drove you to grab that cigarette in the first place – it’s all still there. Nothing has changed, except now you’ve added one more problem: you just blew it.

And then you realize what you’ve really done. You had invested days, maybe weeks and months, in this quit. You had made a great decision, one of the few things you really and truly felt proud of in your life, and you just blew it. You just blew the quit that you swore to yourself was the last one. You were so positive, so motivated, and encouraged, you were really on top of it, ahead of the game for once, you had taken control of your life and it felt like a whole new beginning.. and you just blew it.

You look at that stub in the ashtray. The grey ash and the brown edge to the burnt paper, and the tar stain on the end of filter. You remember the thousands of cigarettes you have stubbed out and think about the tar that came into your lungs as smoke. And you think if smoking that one cigarette was worth it. Nothing’s better. You feel a little dizzy now as the nicotine hits your body, even a little nauseous – certainly don’t feel the pleasure that you remember the adverts and billboards were promoting during your early years as a smoker. In fact it’s hard to remember any time when you felt that pleasure.. just another tobacco company lie.. They helped you to become an addict the first time, but when you smoked that cigarette after you quit.. well that was a whole new decision. You made that one all by yourself – there’s no pointing fingers now, you know that cigarettes kill, so when you lit that one cigarette, the choice to smoke was all yours – no-one else to blame. And you just blew it.

It wasn’t worth it.. time after time the slippers’ and relapsers’ lament how they feel like crap, how ashamed they are, how they have lost confidence and hope, how they hate themselves, how much it hurts, how depressed and they cry and hide and cry some more. And now you are one of them.. the quit losers. Lost in the wilderness, not quite a smoker.. yet and not sure you are a quitter, searching for some dignity, some self-respect out of this. All because of that one cigarette. Because you blew it.

OK, time to come back.. thankfully this was a “Picture yourself…” so none of this really happened. You didn’t smoke that cigarette, and your quit is intact. You take a deep breath and you can still fill your lungs without breaking down into a hacking cough. You can smile, because you are still in control. The craving passes and you can shake your head a little and give yourself a little pat on the back at your success. You remained true the promise you made to yourself on day one. Because none of this really happened.

Did it ?

Author Unknown

quit smoking
addiction

Why Do I Smoke Quiz

This fantastic quiz from FamilyDoctor.org is one of the first steps on the road to quitting smoking.

Skull with a cigarette in it's mouth.

Smoking: ‘Why Do I Smoke?’ Quiz

Why do I smoke?

If you know the answer to this question, it will be easier to stop smoking because you can find ways to make up for the things you may miss when you stop.

Most people smoke for different reasons at different times. Reasons for smoking include psychological issues, habits, social pressures and physical dependence on nicotine. The questionnaire that follows will help you decide which reasons are important in your smoking.

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The ‘Why Test’

Next to the following statements, mark the number that best describes your own experience. (5=Always, 4=Most of the time, 3=Once in a while, 2=Rarely, 1=Never)

___ A. I smoke to keep myself from slowing down.
___ B. Handling a cigarette is part of the enjoyment of smoking it.
___ C. Smoking is pleasant and relaxing.
___ D. I light up a cigarette when I feel angry about something.
___ E. When I am out of cigarettes, it’s near-torture until I can get more.
___ F. I smoke automatically, without even being aware of it.
___ G. I smoke when people around me are smoking.
___ H. I smoke to perk myself up.
___ I. Part of my enjoyment from smoking is preparing to light up.
___ J. I get pleasure from smoking.
___ K. When I feel uncomfortable or upset, I light up a cigarette.
___ L. When I’m not smoking a cigarette, I’m very much aware of the fact.
___ M. I often light up a cigarette when one is still burning in the ashtray.
___ N. I smoke cigarettes with friends when I am having a good time.
___ O. When I smoke, part of the enjoyment is watching the smoke as I exhale.
___ P. I want a cigarette most often when I am comfortable and relaxed.
___ Q. I smoke when I am “blue” and want to take my mind off what’s bothering me.
___ R. I get a real hunger for a cigarette when I haven’t had one in a while.
___ S. I’ve found a cigarette in my mouth and haven’t remembered it was there.
___ T. I always smoke when I am out with friends at a party, bar, etc.
___ U. I always smoke cigarettes to get a lift.

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Now Score Yourself

Step 1: Transfer the numbers from the quiz to the scorecard that follows by matching up the letters. For example, take the number you wrote for question A on the quiz and enter it on line A of the scorecard.

Step 2: Add each set of 3 scores on the scorecard to get the total for each different category. For example, to find your score on the “Stimulation” category, add together the scores for questions A, H and U.

The score for each category can range from a low of 3 to a high of 15. A score of 11 or above on any set is high and means that your smoking is probably influenced by that category. A score of 7 or below is low and means that this category is not a primary source of satisfaction to you when you smoke.

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‘Why Test’ scorecard

“It stimulates me.” You feel that smoking gives you energy and keeps you going. Think about alternative ways to boost your energy, such as brisk walking or jogging.
___ A
___ H
___ U
___ “Stimulation” Total

“I want something in my hand.” There are a lot of things you can do with your hands without lighting up a cigarette. Try doodling with a pencil, or playing with putty or a fake cigarette.
___ B
___ I
___ O
___ “Handling” Total

“It feels good.” You get a lot of physical pleasure from smoking. Various forms of exercise or other activities can be effective alternatives.
___ C
___ J
___ P
___ “Pleasure/Relaxation” Total

“It’s a crutch.” It can be tough to stop smoking if you find cigarettes comforting in times of stress, but there are many better ways to deal with stress.
___ D
___ K
___ Q
___ “Crutch/Tension” Total

“I’m hooked.” In addition to having a psychological addiction to smoking, you may also be physically addicted to nicotine. It’s a hard addiction to break, but it can be done. Talk with your doctor about using nicotine replacement therapy (the gum, patch, inhaler or nasal spray) to control your withdrawal symptoms.
___ E
___ L
___ R
___ “Craving/Addiction” Total

“It’s part of my routine.” If cigarettes are merely part of your routine, stopping should be relatively easy. One key to success is being aware of every cigarette you smoke. Keeping a smoking diary is a good way to do this.
___ F
___ M
___ S
___ “Habit” Total

“I am a social smoker.” You smoke when people around you are smoking and when you are offered cigarettes. It is important for you to avoid these situations until you are confident about being a nonsmoker. If you cannot avoid a situation in which others are smoking, remind them that you are a nonsmoker.
___ G
___ N
___ T
___ “Social Smoker” Total

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Now how do I quit?

Hopefully, this quiz has given you some insight into the reasons why you smoke. You can use this information to help yourself stop smoking. Talk to your doctor about how to stop and how to stay tobacco-free.

Obama Sneaking in his ‘Disarmament’ Agenda

Watch out my fellow Americans. Obama is gradually getting to his own agenda of ‘disarming’ the United States. If you haven’t seen this video that Obama tells us in his own words, his plans for our military before his election, watch it now. It’s a little late to take any action on this. I watched the video before the election so therefore, Obama did not get my vote.

Here is the link to todays story Obama Scraps Bush’s… Defense Plan from the Associated Press.

Kanye West: Take our Poll

Please participate in the Poll on the left! I want to know your opinion.

Thanks!