Smoking again??? Kind of…

Well, quitting the Chantix at 25 days smoke free may not be such a good idea. At 43 days, yesterday, I smoked. I have had a total of five and everyone taste like crap. I even bought a pack this morning, looking forward to my old menthol brand, instead of the camel’s I borrowed from a friend, and they still taste like sh*@. But…they did do what I needed them to do. I stopped crying. I cried all day off and on yesterday until I smoked at 4:00 p.m. then I stopped and I haven’t cried since. Strange don’t you think. What does someone do that gets that depressed without Nicotine? Who knows. My dr. just thinks it’s an excuse to smoke. Might be, but if I’m not crying and depressed I don’t smoke? Who knows! I am going to talk to my MD and my Psychiatrist that RX’s my anti-depressants.

Quit smoking or take Chantix?What to do now? Start over I guess, I took Chantix yesterday 1/2 mg and 1/2 mg this a.m. I guess I am trying again. It’s awful but it’s good too. I’m not crying but am feeling quilty but not beating my self up. I did not give in to the crave or whatever you want to call it, the first time I cried or was depressed. It was probably the 100th time, but it was the only time I couldn’t stop crying.

Oh well, try, try again.

It’s hard, that’s all I have to say and that I have been Apathetically Narcissistic. That has been my mood since I quit. Those are my 22 year old son’s words and believe it or not it makes sense.

Definition of Apathetic: unconcerned, lethargic, indifferent, listless, bored.

Definition of Narcissistic: self-absorbed, selfish, conceited, vain.

Wow! That is me without nicotine. With nicotine I am just Narcissistic! LOL

Oh well, it is all about me isn’t it???

5 Responses to “Smoking again??? Kind of…”

  1. Lynn Says:

    I don’t think it’s the nicotine withdrawel tht made you cry. It was the Chantix. I to started Chantix. I also take anti-depressants. I had to stop taking the Chantix because it put me in a manic state 4 times in one week, constant nausea, unable to sleep… etc.. There so called support program is bogas! It’s all generic, no personalization. I stopped taking Chantix on the 8th. day and I have been checking in on the daily website stating I stopped taking the med. The site congrats me everyday because I remembered to take the Chantix. Hey GOOD LUCK! I am on day 28 days smoke free. Yesterday was the hardest!

  2. Boomer Lady’s Babbling Says:

    […] is my 7th or would have been 50th day smoke free. Unfortunately as I wrote about in Smoking Again, Kind of…,I smoked on New Years day after I had quit November 19th. I blame myself for quitting the Chantix […]

  3. emctara57 Says:

    Hi Lynn,
    I had been off the Chantix for 18 days at the time I started my crying spree. Yes, Chantix seems to make me manic also. That is why I am not taking the full does. I am planning on taking one a day. The way I see it, if I made it 18 days without it, one a day will be plenty for me. Congrats on your 28 days smoke free. Hang in there and stay in touch!

  4. Adam Says:

    I am the friend she borrowed the camels from. I did it for a reason, I knew the camels would tear her up.

    I knew they would create a psychosomatic reaction with tobacco/nicotine all together and turn her off of the whole thing. I hurt her to help her, and it worked.

  5. Tips on dealing with a slip-up « Boomer Lady’s Babbling Says:

    […] 7)weather its 1 or 100 do not give up on yourself, just start over. That’s what I did see Smoking Again, Kind of…, for more […]

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