The Dating Game!
My friend Sandy is wanting to start dating again. She has been divorced three years and sober the same amount, and she has not been in a relationship since the divorce. That is not to say she hasn’t dated. She is a pretty gal and has been on several dates but, nothing really substantial.
The man in her life now is more of a friend than a prospective future mate or partner. He calls her daily, takes her out to eat, they do things together all the time, art galleries, go out for coffee, etc. but, he will not commit to calling it what it is. A relationship. They don’t kiss or hold hands, but she would like to. He has no interest in that sort of thing. So finally, my friend has decided to get on with her life – she can’t wait for him forever – and start getting ‘out there’. I applaud her. She is 49 years old and isn’t getting any younger. The guy she is seeing is getting the best of both worlds. He has this pretty lady he can have on his arm anytime he ‘needs’ her and doesn’t have to deal with any of the uncomfortable things like kissing and committing to another person. I can understand why she feels, ’empty’ and ‘unfulfilled’ and ‘what’s wrong with me, why doesn’t he like me?’ It doesn’t do a lot for a girls self-esteem to continue dating a guy and he never makes any advances. It kind of make you wonder.
So now the games begin. No longer happy being his beckon ‘call’ girl. She has signed up for an internet dating service and the matches are rolling in. Picking a potential partner is much more complicated than it used to be. They use 29 different areas of interest, etc. to just send you a match. Imagine that! I’m sure some people got married with out knowing all the information that a potential match knows about a possible person- just to go on a date. That’s not all. After they send you a person they think is a pretty good match, you get to ask them five more questions that you pick from about 100 and they have to answer them. Then they send you more questions and you have to answer them. If you answered them okay and the person is still interested in you, then you send your absolutes. Yes absolutes. ‘Absolute must haves’ and absolute can’t stands’. If they pass these than you can email them and communicate ‘normally’. After all of that, what would you have to say?
Anyway, I am so proud of her. She believes in herself enough to know that she deserves to be in a relationship that will fulfill her needs, not just his. For me, men that do this to women are selfish to the core. Yes, you can be friends with men but they don’t flirt with you, buy your dinner every time you go out, and discourage you when you do have a ‘real’ date.
Sandy’s male friend doesn’t know she is going to start dating but, he will find out soon enough and he isn’t going to like it one bit. Some other guy moving in on his territory. Oh well guys, you snooze you lose. Let the games begin! You go girl!