Smoke Free 62 Days!
Okay, this is getting weird. I have been smoke free for 62 days. How can that be? I am calm, rational, conscious, focused, peaceful, serene, happy, employed, sane and the list could go on and on. What’s up with that? Normally when I quit I am totally INSANE! I never know what I might be capable of. So I must say, this is different and very interesting.
I have to blame the Chantix. That’s all I can think of that I have done different this time. Motivation has always been there for me, at least the last five years or so. I have given it everything I’ve got and still was not able to make it even 60 days. The patch, Nicotrol Inhaler, gum, lozenges, filters, herbs, and anything else you can think of, I have tried them all and nothing worked until now.
Grateful doesn’t even begin to tell you how I feel. This is a grace I have received from God and I did nothing to deserve it. It is a gift. A gift to me, my children, my Dad, my friends and to all the people that love me and care about me.
Through this blog I hope I can help others who have struggled the way I have struggled with quitting smoking. I may get Cancer tomorrow but at least I quit. My son who is still smoking, and my daughter, can see that their Mother can quit, after all those years of me telling them, “I Can’t.” Now when my son is ready to quit he will know that he CAN do it. There is a way out from under that horrible addiction to nicotine.
Once I finally made up my mind that I wanted to live instead of die, then I started to desperately search for a way out, a way to stop hurting myself and my Dad. I didn’t have to hurt anyone anymore, especially myself. Smoking is a slow suicide. For me smoking was an easier way to kill myself. I don’t think I consciously knew I hated myself and wanted to kill myself. But why would someone who is in their right mind want to continue with a behavior that will kill them? Now the keywords here are ‘right mind’. I cannot say I was in my ‘right mind’ while ingesting nicotine as fast and as often as I could. That was all I cared about was my next fix.
Freedom! That is what I have today. Freedom from slavery to Nicotine, freedom from stopping at the Kwik Stop when it is seven degrees outside and blowing snow and getting out of my nice warm car to slip on the ice as I trudge into the store for a pack of smokes. Freedom from excusing myself at family gatherings so I can go outside and smoke. Freedom from feeling like an outcast with my own family. Freedom from worrying if I’m going to have enough money to buy smokes, to heck with food, that comes second, I NEED CIGARETTES! Freedom from worrying about my health and when will I get Cancer? Freedom from the guilt I had every-time I would light a cigarette and know what my children would have to go through, not just if I died, but if I had a lung transplant and needed 24 hour care and the hardship and burden I would be on them when they are just starting to live their own lives. Freedom! That is what it is all about.
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