Cravings Never Go Away-The Non-Smoking Journey Continues

Cravings Never Go Away-The Non-Smoking Journey Continues…

Okay, here goes nothing. I haven’t written for so long I think I may have forgotten how. I am still smoke-free and it has been …hang on a minute, I have to go check my calculator for how many days now. I know it has been 9 months, but not sure on the days… 294 days, 1 hour, 57 minutes and 9 seconds. Well now that is pretty awesome isn’t it?

Tough decisions we make.

Tough decisions we make.

My weight is still the same, no more, no less. I am still taking the Thyroid medicine and now have added Lipitor, 40mg, for my Cholesterol. Uggggh! Being in denial about my health was so much easier, and cheaper. Of course, denial allowed me to continue to slowly kill myself with cigarettes. Not where I am really at now a days.

Being a non-smoker is pretty wild:

  • I can complete a project without hurrying through it so I can go get my fix, i.e. scrapbooking.
  • I can go on a trip in a car with non-smokers and not feel bad for making them pull over every two hours so I can get my nicotine fix.
  • I can walk in the woods with my camera and take pictures and not have to keep taking breaks to get my nicotine fix.
  • I can be totally relaxed in the movie theater and watch the entire movie without trying to figure out how I can go out and get my nicotine fix.
  • I can just BE. I can BE in the moment, BE where I am, BE who I am, BE with my children, BE with my Dad, BE with my friends. I can just BE for hours and hours of sweet, relaxing, peaceful, and serene joy.

It sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Well, it is great. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my moments of cravings, the “deep in the pit of my stomach, gonna die if I don’t have a cigarette,” type of cravings. That was only about 30 days ago. So, yes, cravings never go away, it just goes into a sort of remission and from time to time it will rear it’s ugly head again.

I have thoughts about smoking probably daily but I don’t dwell on them and feed them by focusing on how great it would be to feed my addiction one last time. When I have a thought, I push it out of my mind as fast as I can so I can move on to the next thought that is about something else all together.

This will be a lifetime process I am sure. I just hope the thoughts aren’t quite as frequent, like every day. Every other day will be good. It has slowed down some, it was every minute in the beginning. I am still very grateful that I had Chantix to help me through those times. It helped me until I could help myself. It was a miracle drug and I have no regrets for using it. I feel blessed that I could take it and not suffer from the side effects that some people have been through.

But for the Grace of God go I…

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Smoke Free 55 Days!

Smoke Free 55 Days!

A huge milestone is coming for me. I have never made it to 60 days smoke free. Every time I have attempted to quit-which has been like every two years for the last six to eight years-I have smoked at 57 days, 52 days, etc. Even when I originally started this quit back in November 2007, I smoked at 44 days. So close yet so far. And believe it or not, Saturday night I was craving a cigarette really bad. I couldn’t sleep, I was depressed and crying for no reason really. I was bitchy with everyone and I really wanted a cig. After all this time and many days without a craving or even a thought of a cigarette, it crept up on me like a dark black fog sneaking up behind me and making its way into my mind. It consumed me. Fortunately I remembered that it was getting close to 60 days. The Nicotine monster wants me back.

This is “The Smoker’s Vow” from whyquit.com

The Smoker’s Vow

To be said just before taking your first puff after
having quit for any appreciable period of time


With this puff I enslave myself
to a lifetime of addiction.
While I can’t promise to always love you,
I do promise to obey every craving and
support my addiction to you
no matter how expensive you become.

I will let no husband or wife,
no family member or friend,
no doctor or any other health professional,
no employer or government policy,
no burns or no stench,
no cough or raspy voice,
no cancer or emphysema,
no heart attack or stroke,
no threat of loss of life or limbs,
come between us.

I will smoke you forever
from this day forth,
for better or worse,
whether richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part!

“You may now light the cigarette.”

“I now pronounce you a full-fledged smoker.”


Postscript: While 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, the addiction to smoking will last a lifetime—albeit a shorter lifetime. Once a smoker, annulment of the addiction is impossible. One puff can result in a permanent relapse. Don’t take the chance of relapsing to this marriage of inconvenience.

NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel
© Joel Spitzer 1994, 2000
Page last updated by Joel Spitzer on August 23, 2003

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